Five Minute Friday: Afraid

Like Baby in Dirty Dancing, I so often feel like I'm afraid of everything. Not afraid of losing the love of my life, but afraid of losing myself, or never finding the me that has been sitting inside waiting for me to discover her my whole life, or maybe the me I could be if I looked hard enough.

Five Minute FridayI'm afraid of being worthless. I'm afraid that being "just" a mom is not enough. I usually feel like a pretty good mom - except when I don't - but I'm a terrible housewife. I'm lazy. I get overwhelmed by the sheer amount of STUFF that is supposed to be done, and who has the energy to even begin when the task is so very unconquerable?

I'm afraid to take time for myself. Because usually what that means in another bath, or another hour or two on the computer, doing absolutely nothing - or working - neither of which really feed my soul. That's something I realized today - that "me time" doesn't just mean time to do whatever you please. I'm lazy, so "whatever I please" doesn't usually amount to something that will enrich me. I'm not saying I think I have to be actively working during my downtime but, well, yes, I guess I am.

I need to strip away my doing-nothing time and find some time FOR me. Not self-indulgently for me, but self-discovering, self-creating, self-enriching. I need to use my time more wisely, to meditate, to journal, to find some kind of peace.

Because I am afraid.

I am afraid that I am raising my children without the knowledge of what inner peace can be. I'm raising them in a happy home, but I wouldn't call it a particularly peaceful home. I need to find myself so I can give myself to them. I need to put on my oxygen mask - not just sit around lazily while the plane crashes - and then help them learn how to put theirs on, too.


  1. I can totally relate to the yes-no, sit-work, do-wait, here-there contradictions of life. Pretty sure that about sums up my personality. :)

    Also - I really like your blog design!

    1. Yep, I always say I'm a complete dichotomy of a woman. :) Thanks for the compliment, and comment!

  2. hm, I know where you are because I have felt myself there too often. not just down time, but time spent that leaves you lifted up! realizing too that to truly find myself, I need to lose the self-preoccupation that comes with me, me, me-time. how can I spend my time that leaves me better prepared and energized to find my joy in serving my children and husband.

    1. "down time that leaves you uplifted" - I love that so much! Thanks for stopping by!

  3. Hi Mandie,
    I totally agree with this statement, "Not self-indulgently for me, but self-discovering, self-creating, self-enriching." You deserve time to be you and find out who you are! Behind the mask of motherhood, is a woman worth discovering!When we love ourselves we teach our children value, self-worth and give them the freedom to be who God intended them to be.
    My Five Minute Friday


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